21 Reasons I’m Childfree (And you should be too!)
People tend to hate the childfree. Why do you suppose that is? I’m convinced without a doubt it’s jealousy. Misery loves company. And that mombie in your office telling you how you should have children…do you seriously think she’s suggesting it because she feels fantastic? Nope.
Do you want children? Like really want them? Or are you just expected to have them? Did you just envision your life with them and to envision an alternate life is terrifying?
I didn’t always know I wanted to be childfree. Quite the opposite. I grew up with the expectation that when I got married I’d pop out a few kids. That was the way it was. No one told me I had a choice. No one asked me why I wanted kids. Truthfully, I don’t know what I would have said if they had. Probably one of the silly and selfish reasons current expecting parents give. “I want to see what we’d look like,” “It’s the next step” or some other reason that begins with “I want…” Yes, us childfree get slammed left and right for being selfish, but with overpopulation where it is, and the number of orphaned children, you tell me who’s selfish.
So without further ado, here are my 20 reasons for being childfree. I hope they confirm your choice not to have kids, or maybe they’ll push you toward the childfree decision. Odds are you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want someone to tell you you are making the right choice. I know I looked up a bunch of testimonies before I made the leap.
I love being able to leave the house whenever I want, sleep when I want, eat when I want, etc. I have no demands on my time. I don’t have to plan when I shower based on the baby’s nap schedule, I don’t have to consider what restaurant I go to because I have the kids and one is potty training. I’m free to go where I like, when I like.
2. Responsible for just me
I love only worrying about feeding myself, going to the bathroom, getting ready for the day, making sure I’m happy and fulfilled, improving myself, etc. The idea of managing all that for another person, let alone many, is mind boggling. I take care of dogs and even that is too much at times. Don’t give me another human to manage too!
3. Healthy Marriage
I married my husband, which means I love him. I always want to remember him, consider him, and put him first. When you have kids, the kids come first. I could see myself happy he came home, only so I could have a break, rather than so I could be with him. I’d see him as another set of hands. And it’s entirely possible, children would have ruined us.
Just the other month I woke up with an itch to take some photos. So what did we do? Took a day trip to another state. No planning. I value that spontaneity and freedom to do things without planning. No need to worry about a babysitter or plan things weeks and months in advance. Spontaneity keeps things fun and interesting. I’d hate to lose it.
Traveling has always been a dream of mine, but I would have counted myself lucky just to see London. What a horrible sacrifice. My dream is to travel, to see the world, to meet people, to understand myself more, to gain a bigger and deeper perspective. Now I can. I don’t have to worry about kids. I know traveling with kids is entirely possible. But I know it’s definitely not easy and it requires a shit ton more work to make it doable. I want to see the world. And I don’t want to have to worry about keeping a kid happy, healthy, and comfortable.
I’m finally at an age where I can do things. I have the money, I’m old enough, my life can really begin. And yet most people have children. They go from being children, to having their own and they never experience the fun and freedom of being an adult. Well I’ve worked hard and I want to be able to do things that I’d dreamed of as a kid. I can buy the car I want, I can travel, I can do anything. Kids are expensive. The USDA did a 2017 study and said that the cost for a kid until they are 18 is over $233k, and for that I could buy a small private island. No joke. If you want even more funny things you could buy instead of raising a kid, DailyDot put out an awesome list.
7. Overpopulation & Environmental Concerns
Fuck we’re overpopulated. You know it took us 300 years to reach the first 3 billion people? Then only 40 fucking years later to reach the second 3 billion! What the fuck!? People see empty land and say “Nah, we’ve got plenty of space.” Oh really? Considered food have you? How about all that land dedicated to raising livestock? How about pollution? We’re drowning in our own garbage and literally changing the natural world by being here (climate change). The same people popping out five kids are spouting to pet owners about spaying/neutering their animals. Hello? Want a kid? There are plenty ready for adoption. Did you know that a vasectomy reduces your carbon footprint 28x more than recycling? Yep. I hold this separate from overpopulation.
8. A lot of work
God damn kids are work. There is no off shift, no breaks, no holidays. It’s the hardest job and there is no pay or down time. Never. Not even when you sleep. Those little bastards will come in and wake you, sometimes reeking of feces or urine. I’m sorry. That seems ludicrous. If I were to make a job application, stating all the things a parent has to do and then said no pay, no overtime, no bonus, no vacation, no breaks, no days off, you wouldn’t get ONE applicant. And yet…people are jumping at the chance to produce.
9. Risk Value
You could be the best mother in the world and your kid will still be a shit. And you run the risk of that phase never ending. Someone had to be a serial killer’s mother. Too far fetched? How about your kid getting another kid pregnant? Or your kid getting pregnant themselves? Or what if your kid bullies? Or is being bullied? What if your kid starts doing drugs? God damn they are such a fucking risk!
Nuff said. No? Not nuff? How about a torn anus? Chapped bleeding nipples? Wearing a diaper after pregnancy? Hemorrhoids? Stomach that looks like a road map of the continental US? Needle in the spine to help with pain? Morning sickness? Crazy hormones? Feeling fat as a cow for 9 months? Struggling to get your body back after? Lady bits that look like a roast beef sandwhich? K I’ll stop. I think I’ve proven my point. Oh and let’s not forget the act of squeezing a watermelon out your hoohah. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
11. Good to Bad Ratio
Sure the moment you tell your partner you’re pregnant is a happy one. And the instant you finish giving birth. And then after that…it’s one shit show after another. 24/7 diapers, feedings, whining, crying, nap time juggling, bath wrangling, marker on the wall. Oh but remember that one time he was cute and laughed? Eh. That ratio of good to bad seems pretty askew, and in my opinion, not in the good way. Honestly I just don’t get the appeal.
12. I have value
Call me a drama queen if ya like, but I get a thrill from shoving misogynistic statements in people’s faces. Women seem to only be valued for their ovaries. If a woman isn’t having kids, they assume the woman physically can’t and pity her. If she doesn’t out of desire, they think something is wrong with her or that she’ll surely change her mind. When a woman wants permanent birth control, the doctor questions her judgement. I’m out to prove I am worth more than my uterus.
I hardly have the patience to deal with two dogs. Dealing with kids? Kids who never leave you alone? I don’t think so. They are constantly whining, making messes, making demands, and having utter meltdowns over nothing. I just can’t handle it. Not only that, but I can only say “Wow” so many times. I fear I’d end up being honest because it takes less work. “Actually Chris, your picture is a little derivative. Keep trying.” or “Well Sammy, it’s a stack of three bricks, I think you could dig a little deeper.” I can’t do baby talk, I can’t even do kid talk. I’d talk to them like they were an adult. Ever seen Captain Fantastic? Yup. (If not, and you’re thinking of having kids, I highly suggest you watch for an awesome parenting method. Save for the living in the woods bit.)
14. I’m not done
That’s right. I’m not done living MY life. I’m not done accomplishing my dreams. Why would I be ready to have a kid and center my life around their dreams? They say when you have a kid they become your life. WTF is that? What kind of example would that be anyway? I love the idea that when I envision the future, I envision MY future. It is my life and I’m not about to make it all about someone else. You only get one life. And I have such big plans for mine.
Wait what? Yeah I’m throwing this in for good measure because I’m sure some of you on the fence still aren’t sure. So I’ll leave you with one scenario that likely pushed me over. Would you rather regret not having a kid or regret having one? The grass is always greener. You might regret not taking that art class in college, you might regret not calling that guy, or ordering a bloody mary when you were wearing white. Life is full of little regrets and “what ifs.” But guess what? If I wonder, fifty years from now, what my life would be like if I’d had kids, it’ll be a passing wonder because I’ll have looked at all I did instead. If I had children and wondered in 50 years what my life would be like without them…that’s a whole lotta depression right there. You may wonder what if no matter what. Everyone asks childfree people “What if you regret it?” but no one EVER asks people trying to get pregnant that same question. And the latter is WAY more life altering. But I can tell ya, for me, I’d MUCH rather regret not having kids than regret having them. Let that sink in.
16. Weak Stomach
Pop a pimple, pick a scab, or even crusties in the eyes make me squeamish. I didn’t always have a weak stomach, but a year piercing ears at Claire’s in my youth flipped some switch. I can hardly handle my own grossness, let alone tackle things on a child. And children are like cocker spaniels – they are constantly leaking (or exploding) with something that stinks and is a bitch to get out of carpet. My dogs are plenty and I can put them in a cage while I clean up and no one will call the police. Seriously, they say mom’s are fearless. Um, not by choice I think. It’s because they have to be. No thanks, people. No thanks.
17. Bad Knees
I have this ridiculous condition called chondromalacia patella. Fancy sounding, but really it means I have like zilch cartilage behind my knee caps and it boils down to me being physically unable (or risking lots of pain and swelling) to crouch/squat. Which means no talking to my child eye-to-eye as suggested by the best child experts. It means that if I had a child, what little cartilage I have would be obliterated in the constant kneeling and crouching and crawling. Picking up cheerios, playing peek-a-boo, searching for favorite toys…Listen, if I can’t do rock climbing because of my knees, I’m not packing them in just for kids. It would just suck.
18. No Excuses
People often use their children as an excuse not to live. Oh skydiving? Can’t, I’ve got kids to think about. Oh, you wanna go away this weekend? Can’t, kids. Go out for drinks? Kids. Test drive the new Ferrari you bought? Oh my kids are out of school, I gotta go. Kids are fucking excuses not to live your damn life. I don’t want an excuse not to live.
19. Kids are boring
Hate to say this as I’ll get lynched, but children…they’re pretty damn boring. Occasionally they’ll say something shocking, horrifying, amusing, or even thoughtful and wise beyond their years. But these instances are rare. And in between that time, they throw tantrums for no reason and tell you about shit you couldn’t care less about. But you have to encourage, and show amazement for some reason about every little thing. Sorry. Can’t keep it up. They’re boring and exhausting and I feel I lose brain cells when I interact with them. Also, most are shits. This opinion may change as I travel, but currently I’m convinced American kids are the worst. And to spend all day, every day with them…nah. I need more stimulation, more excitement.
20. Risk of Single Motherhood
I was raised by a single mom, so props to single moms. But hot damn, that is NOT the life I want for me. I could be naive and think my partner and I will be together for eternity, then tack bills, loss of sleep, and decreasing sanity to the pile and STILL think he won’t leave. But it happens. I firmly believe kids strain marriage. But even if he stayed, he could get in an accident or get sick. I could end up raising that kid or kids on my own. Yeah no thanks.
21. No Appeal
Last, but not least, though I expected to be a mother my whole life, the actual idea of being a mother wasn’t thrilling. In fact, we put it off for so long because the idea depressed me. I saw it as a financial burden, a weight, something to deal with, rather than something I couldn’t wait to do. And let me tell you bluntly, unless you’re bursting at the seams, you just can’t wait to have a baby to love and care for your whole life, you welcome the poopy diapers, the screaming, the lack of sleep and sex life, then please don’t have them. Reconsider. Because if not, that’s a LOT of years of misery. Those people do exist. Let them have the babies.
Childfree for Life!
Honestly, looking back, I can’t figure out why I wanted them ever. Then I realize I never really did. I was just going to do it because that’s “what people do.” It was the next step. But that’s insane. Having children is not like getting a pap smear. Just because everyone does it, doesn’t mean you have to. And I honestly believe that if people spent as much time considering having a child, as others do about NOT having one, waaaaay less people would be makin’ babies. The pros just don’t outweigh the cons for me. I find something on a daily basis that makes me happy I don’t have kids. Daily.
I wrote this post purely so you’d have someone on your side, validating your concerns. Because I’m certain if you asked friends, relatives, they’d all tell you you’re overthinking it and of course you want a baby! You need someone to tell it like it is. I’m that new friend.
I hoped my reasons were helpful in some way. If you’re on the fence and hoped this would convince you, but you’re STILL on that fence, maybe take a little quiz I made? It’s right HERE.
I also suggest talking to some childfree people, joining some groups on Reddit or Facebook. Talk to them about their decision, how they feel about it, if they regret it, etc. We seem to be few and far between, so you’ll have to look hard past the strollers. Odds are they’ll tell you in sincerity they’re happy with their choices. But in the end, only you can decide for yourself. Good luck in your decision!