7 Things I Learned at my First Strip Club
Before you gasp and run away, stay and read my thoughts. I might surprise you. Maybe you and I are similar. I used to shame people that went to strip clubs. I used to feel embarrassed for the women, I used to feel gross talking with someone who frequented them. I told myself I’d never go. That’s someone’s daughter! How degrading! They’re treating her like a piece of meat!
Until I wound up in Vegas.
Over the previous couple of years I was breaking free from my constraining and imposing religion, Mormonism. Yes, the religion where baring your shoulders is a no-no, they have special underwear, and when they die they believe they become gods ruling their own world. (Wait, why did I leave again?). I was taught our bodies were temples, sacred and pure. I was taught porn was bad, marriage was vital, and sex before marriage was deplorable. Which is likely why I wound up married at 19. My husband and I were gradually opening up our perspectives on the world, on relationships, on sex.
When we wanted to go to Vegas so my husband could drive a supercar to celebrate his 30th B-Day, the option of a show came up. We started pretty classic, moving into a more sensual show, then finally to a strip club. My husband left it up to me. Smart man.
We made the plans, drove down to Vegas, and the night we arrived, got a limo to our first strip club. And here are seven things that I learned on our visit.
1. I wasn’t nervous
Yes, I learned this about myself. Shuddup. Anyway – I thought I was going to have butterflies in my stomach as I slipped on my rarely-worn heels. I didn’t want to come off as a prude, plus it was 100 degrees. So I wore a low (er) cut top, shorts, and some heels to make my legs appear longer. Hate the damn shoes but ya can’t argue with results. I wanted the girls to know I was a proponent and not just a wife bringing her husband as a reward. I was about to see ladies, naked, dancing on a pole. This was forbidden all my life. And yet, I wasn’t nervous. I was excited. I was relaxed.
2. I wanted more
It takes a lot to get my motor running- as I’m sure most women are. It’s why the typical understanding is that porn doesn’t work for women. We’re pretty complex creatures. Personally, I need a story. I need to feel like what I’m watching is happening to me. I need background on the characters. You don’t get any of that with porn. It’s just watching fake people behave…unrealistically. So it didn’t surprise me that seeing naked ladies didn’t do a whole lot.
Until one grabbed my boob. Yep. I had us sit at the stage because I figure we’re there, we may as well have the best view. And the dancers tended to interact with those up close. I made eye contact, unsure if that was right or not. I smiled. Then she got to her hands and knees, smiled sensually, and reached out to blatantly grab my boob. I found myself leaning into her touch, not caring who else saw. Then she peeked in and gave a little “Hmm, nice,” look. Now THAT I found myself craving more of. And I got a tiny taste of why these women enjoy doing what they do.
3. It’s stuck with me
For a few days, I still saw her. I saw my dancer, I saw the girl who toppled over the stage with shocking grace to plant her ass in my face and face in my lap, I saw the woman grinding against me in our private dance. And I’m a lady. This was shocking to me. I figured porn didn’t do anything, this likely wouldn’t do much either. I was wrong.
4. It’s improved my sex life
I think most, including myself, are worried when it comes to their partners going to strip clubs. I know I was. Even being married as a Mormon, I feared my husband going to a strip club for his bachelor party. We worry that our men (or women) will like the women on stage more than us. We worry it will put expectations in the bedroom. We assume we’ll get jealous. Now I’d be lying if for a moment I wasn’t jealous. But it was fleeting and I talked myself out of it. Because I am confident in my relationship, and you should be too (if you’re in one).
Your man (or woman) knows these women are dancers, not possible lovers. And he’s human, he’s trained to look at boobies and asses. It’s nature. The sooner we as women become okay with that fact, the better. Just like your eye turns when you see a ripped shirtless guy, his will turn, often uncontrollably, to the cleavage of a woman or her short skirt. It’s pure curiosity. Don’t flip, don’t get jealous. Use it to your advantage. You could ask “She had nice boobs, eh?” You never know…this little surprising comment could get you in the sack. Because they aren’t looking at HER boobs, they are just looking at boobs. Plus, I’ve learned the forbidden things are that much more tempting. Don’t forbid your man (or woman) from looking, and odds are he/she won’t look as much.
But we’ve gotten off track. What I meant to say was, I was only jealous for a flicker, because I too was enjoying the view. I was enjoying the lap dance I got. I was too concerned with that to care about being jealous. If I wanted him to be okay with me enjoying myself, I had to be okay with him enjoying himself. That, and for all the reasons I listed before about jealousy being silly when you think about it.
Because, now back home, my husband thinks about the club, thinks about the girls touching me and he’s in the mood. So I’m having more time in the sack because of it, not less. I’m feeling more confident, not less. And I’m more confident around sexier girls, not less.
5. I didn’t pity the girls
I used to think all strippers did it out of desperation. They were broke, they got into a bad situation, they were desperate. That was when I also viewed modesty as a virtue, and the more skin, the worse someone felt about themselves and the more I pitied them. Gross, right? God, I want to go back in time and slap myself and tell myself to open my mind and get out of religion and its toxic hold.
As I spend more and more time away from the church and its restrictive point of view, I am seeing the human body as beautiful. I’m seeing sex as just sex. We’re animals, it’s natural, it’s a vital need, it’s healthy. I’m seeing a woman who wants to flaunt her goods as her job as empowering. These girls have some mad skills on the pole. That’s just as much a skill as any other acrobat. The fact that they are scantily clad is the only difference.
And why not? Both men and women love the female body. Why do we have to feel shame about it? Why should we feel like we need to hide it? They seemed to get joy out of showing themselves, the watchers got joy in seeing. No one was there by force. What’s wrong with that?
6. I see the human body differently
This goes hand in hand with my last observation. While I once thought sex was this huge deal, it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s primal. When I see a woman dancing, climbing that pole and amazing me, I don’t feel shame, I’m in awe. When I was there, women of various sizes came out and the crowd responded the same. This shocked me. I was certain only the fittest of girls with the biggest of boobs and the most skilled on the pole would get eyes and therefore tips. But nope. Everyone was getting attention. Some more than other, obvs.
But I didn’t feel pity for any of the girls because they were working it and they were beautiful even not fitting the mold. It made me a bit more confident in myself as well. Confidence is sexy and can oftentimes outweigh physical features. The female body is beautiful, and there’s nothing wrong with seeing it. Think about that for a moment and you’ll agree.
7. I want to go again
It was one thing going the first time, but I’m already looking forward to my next visit! Yep. Because I didn’t feel dirty like I thought. I didn’t hide my face. I didn’t skip out early or sit in dark corners. I felt accepted. I felt sexy. I felt real. I felt non judgemental and unjudged. I felt wild. And last time I checked, those were all awesome things to feel. And the thing is, I think the dancers could relate with those feelings. Accepted, sexy, real, unjudged, wild.
So this post may get a lot of hate seeing as this is a feminist blog and many so-called feminists feel that stripping is anti-feminist. But before you judge me, stop and think about it for a minute. By feeling like you should control another woman’s body, are you feminist or misogynist? By shaming a woman, are you supporting her or part of the problem? By perpetuating the idea that strip clubs are bad places, are you helping the cause or worsening it? By telling a woman she’s more valuable with clothes, are you improving women’s worth or lessening it?
This might not sway you, and that’s totally fine. I’m only offering these thoughts because I changed my mind about them and I thought I’d help others grow too. Don’t have assumptions, don’t cling to antiquated ideas, don’t resist change because you want to be right. Learn from others, open your mind, and be willing to change your opinion. Free yourself from your own mental cages. Religion caged my mind on this topic. Consider for a moment what’s caging your own thoughts and try to expand your mind.
Have you ever been to a strip club? How was your experience? Do you agree or disagree with my observations? Let me know friends!