I Fed a Giraffe!
It wasn’t in Africa, sadly. Nope, my bucket list item to feed a giraffe happened in my home state. I typically don’t support zoos and aquariums, but understand that oftentimes the animals there are there for rehabilitation or to increase numbers, etc. Basically I’m cool if it’s for their benefit AND they’re being properly taken care of. I just wish I knew for sure since I don’t like supporting purely taking animals from the wild and popping them into cages for our amusement.
I haven’t been to the zoo in years because of that. Despite animals being my favorite thing in this world. It’s been a struggle. Welp my local zoo holds a night several times a year called “Zoo Brew.” It’s basically an awesome trip to the zoo for adults.
Why? Two reasons my friend.
Can you say jackpot? Why isn’t this a more common thing? Can you imagine a kid-free arcade day? Kid-free Disneyland day? I know, you may be a little wet after that last one. It truly would be a dream come true. Since when does having a kid make someone dislike fun? And what about us childfree over here? We want to experience the fun without the kids dammit. Because I’m sorry. Kids ruin things. They cry, they scream, they throw tantrums, they shit themselves, they have perpetually sticky hands, and those little guys get lost.
If you really want to know why I’m childfree, I literally wrote a list HERE.
So to enjoy a day at the zoo without navigating huge throngs of strollers, without the stench of a dirty diaper in the air, and without one cry ringing out in the night save for the lions…it was magical. But that wasn’t all. Nope, they took it a step up.
That’s right. They served alcohol to truly make this a night for adults. It was like going to the zoo as a kid, but all the kids had been blown up. (Fuck, made larger, not literally blown up, Jesus) Instead of juice boxes, we had cans or plastic cups of liquid fun. Instead of tantrums, you hear laughs of hysteria.
Yep, been to the zoo and never even knew about a carousel, let alone considered riding it. Why? Because the line likely would have been around the whole damn thing and I’d be sitting beside crying children and, remember that smell? Yeah, no thanks. But tonight, there was hardly a line. And I found myself seated beside a man I didn’t know but ended up belting out Backstreet Boys with as it played on the speaker. He snapchatted it, so somewhere there is a video of me singing I Want It That Way with him.
And then they offered something I’ve NEVER had the chance to do at the zoo when I’ve gone in the past. Why? Likely because even if they had, the line with children would be a mile long. They allowed us to feed giraffes! For a whooping $5 for 2 pieces of lettuce mind you. But…you know…it was a fucking giraffe so of course it was worth it.
I cautiously approached and extended my hand, the single piece of crisp, wet lettuce dangling before the giraffe’s utterly sweet and soft face. Then a tongue at least a foot long slipped out and slurped it up. I won’t lie. I giggled like a child and took the next piece of lettuce in my hand. The giraffe was ready for more and out sprang his snake-like tongue, lashing around my hand like some sort of alien tentacle, rough and slimy at once. I couldn’t help squeal in delight. Seriously guys, I fucking love animals.
Though I likely won’t be back to the zoo anytime soon, I went this time for the reasons above as well as the fact that the money I spent went directly to polar bear conservation. Each night through the year went to a different endangered animal. And I had the best time.
So although this particular bucket list item wasn’t in the setting I anticipated it in, the point is that if I’d had children I wouldn’t have had this experience yet. But because I didn’t, I was able to go at a time where they were doing the activity, and I could do it. And no matter if it was in Africa or at my podunk zoo, it was an amazing experience and I can’t wait to interact with more animals in my travels.
What do you think about child-free events? Have you ever gotten lucky with something because you didn’t have kids? Tell me about it!